Inspirational Reminder...

You have within you the amazing capacity to recognize and meet the deepest needs of your body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Healthy, Strong, Happy!!!

Hi there! I have not blogged in quite some time because frankly, I've had nothing of any consequence to share. I have been in the wrong frame of mind for quite some time until recently. I don't know how or why but I have finally been able to turn myself around and renew my focus and belief in ME! I have been doing well with my exercise and nutrition for about 2 weeks now and since 4/5/2010, I have managed to drop 14 pounds. That's a start, right? I have shown myself that I have what it takes to do this……again and hopefully once and for all!

I have concrete goals that I want to achieve and these goals are fully and completely all about ME, no one else…..not to make anyone else happy, not to feel accepted, and not to feel good enough. I am going to succeed in this because it's what I want for me. …what I need to feel good, be healthy, feel a sense of accomplishment, contribute to my overall wellness. I am responsible for myself, my health, and my happiness and from now on it is my top priority. If I'm not happy with myself and I don't make time for me, I can't truly be a good mother, girlfriend, friend, employee, etc. I have to be healthy, strong, and happy and give 100% to myself in order to have something to devote to the other areas of my life. It's time I go ahead full steam with that and make my dreams for myself a reality. I feel focused and I know that I'm getting stronger daily, so look out…I will reach my goals no matter how long it takes or how much hard work is involved. I'm ready and invested!

One of the things that I am no longer going to do is have the "If/then" approach to my life and happiness. In other words, I am losing the mantra "When I'm thinner, I'll be happier" etc. That sort of thought process is very destructive. I will be body proud NOW and happiness will follow at any size or shape until I've reached my goal. I have to learn to be content with where I am currently in order to move forward!

Here's to being healthy, strong, and happy! Here's to new beginnings!

Feeling Frustrated!!!

I have had this feeling of frustration looming over me since last week in regard to diet and exercise. I feel as though I'm worrying too much and/or over thinking my nutrition and exercise. I have been making good choices overall and have been pleased but yet my body has only responded by dropping a total of 5 pounds. I am doing my very best to keep a little faith in myself, my hard work and dedication, and in the process itself and not be "ruled by the scale" but it's increasingly difficult. I'm only human and tend to respond to results like everyone else I know. Granted, I have been able to see some subtle changes for the better. My nails are growing and are stronger and my skin seems clearer as a result of the nutritional changes I've made and incorporating clean eating. I have struggled on a few days with feeling bloated but that has mostly been when my sodium intake has been a little higher than normal.

I am concerned that at the end of the 12 weeks for this Transformation Contest that I will not have achieved the results I set out to. I realize that this "transformation" for me is not only about changing my body by way of pounds but also by way of lifestyle. I set out on this journey to change the way I interact with food so that I don't live to eat and continue with unhealthy habits as a whole; rather learn to incorporate a healthy way of living and allow the rest (weight loss, better healthy, disease control, fitness, etc.) to fall into place.

I will say that I'm enjoying the workouts that I'm doing. The Turbulence Training workouts are so easy to fit in and complete at home, especially with minimal time. I'm also trying to learn a little about HIIT and incorporate that as well into my weekly routine. In addition, I'm taking a boxing class 2 days a week which gives me a little variety and support of some really great women who whole heartedly support my journey and are also on their own. So, my workouts are there but I'm going to try and give them everything I have this week and see if that doesn't make a difference. I'm really going to crank them out and work hard. I'll also incorporate the 2 days of rest I'm supposed to have as well.

So what am I trying to learn from this frustration I am feeling?!?! I think I need to learn to channel it and use it. I am trying to stay positive and soak up as much knowledge in the nutrition and fitness arenas that I can so that I can better arm myself to "transform". In addition, I'm trying to keep in mind what Susan, the nutritionist I'm working with over at Catapult Fitness, reminded me of in one of her postings: "the journey to better health starts one step at a time!".

Even still, though, I really am hoping for that dang scale to show a little more progress come weigh in time on Friday. I'm doing the work, the results have to come, right???

All in all, I have lost a total of 5 pounds since December 27th, though…..that is 5 lost and not gained, so there is some significance in that!

A time for change...

I don't typically make "New Year's Resolutions" per se, simply because I believe that true change comes when you are ready to make it any time of the year. When you feel change is achievable from within yourself and are ready to seek it out and work for it…change will come. I do, however, periodically set goals for myself like most other folks out there. Sometimes I share them, sometimes I do not. I do find that some goals I set for myself require a little built in accountability - those are typically the biggies....the ones you share, those closest to your heart.
For those of you that know me, you know that I have struggled for quite some time with my weight. I was at my heaviest in 2003, after going through some life changing events where I quit taking care of me and my health. My health at that point in my life was not a priority for me and it showed in my outward appearance and in my attitude toward life in general. In 2004, I decided to make some changes in my life. I was an unhappy and unhealthy person. I began a journey seeking weight loss in the beginning. As time has progressed, though, I now seek health. Weight loss like self confidence and pride in one's self is simply a byproduct, in my mind, of becoming a healthier version of me -- part of the whole package

Throughout this journey, I have tried countless weight loss methods, different diets, exercise, diet pills, under eating, over eating……..you name it. If it boasted some sort of result and I found out about it, I tried it, no matter how crazy or worthless. I managed to lose a great deal of weight over time, 115 pounds to be exact. Now, there's about 40-50 pounds of that that I gain and lose. Unfortunately, I have been in that cycle over the past 3 or so years. Last June, I began working out with a trainer who has become a wonderful friend and inspiration in a boot camp setting and saw results in my ability fitness-wise and have since experimented with different types of exercising and really loved it. She helped me think more in terms of gaining health rather than loss of weight.

Then I had a setback in March of this year, though. I had to have surgery that progressed into another subsequent surgery and a final diagnosis during the summer of Crohn's disease…..Crohn's Colitis to be exact. During that time, I was unable to keep a lot of food in my system and due to what the doctor describes as "Extraintestinal Manifestations" of the disease, I was unable to exercise. In my case, I experienced severe and crippling arthritis in all my major joints and limbs. As a result of the diagnosis, I landed myself under the regular care of a GI doctor who has helped me regain control of my digestive system and has worked with me to find some medications that have helped me to feel more normal.

In the fall of this year, I began exercising again but have struggled greatly with my nutrition. I have needed some sort of accountability and to find renewed strength from within to refocus on my journey toward that healthier Nicole. Well, earlier this month I came across a post on a fitness and nutrition blog I read regularly, Catapult Fitness, looking for someone to enter the 7th Turbulence Training Contest and help share the results with her blog readers. I replied to the post via email thinking negatively to myself there is no chance that you'll be selected to do this! Well…..LO AND BEHOLD……I have now registered and begun working toward my goal of really and truly attempting to win! I weighed and measured and my daughter, Natalie, even took my before pictures on 12/27/09 (and yes, Rose the wiener dog did try to steal my thunder in the pictures). So now my before pictures are going to be preserved for posterity on someone else's little piece of the internet and that scares the heck out of me, but in exchange she (Susan) is going to work with me nutrionally and has introduced me to Turbulence Training workouts that I can do in the comfort of my very own home to achieve my goals.

I will say that just since 12/27/09, I have now lost 2 pounds (Hey, we all have to start somewhere and today is only 12/30/09, not too shabby!) and have eaten remarkably clean thus far this week. Susan has let me be very high maintenance in asking lots of nutrition questions and has been so encouraging and helpful. I am looking forward to all the knowledge and healthy habits I will gain through this process, if nothing else ever comes of it. I have already noticed small changes and have had a few small victories: I have had NO Crohn's related symptoms or issues since Sunday (that's H-U-G-E), I have not had 1 diet soda since then, I have been drinking TONS of water, have read Tosca Reno's Eat Clean Diet Recharged book from cover to cover and am doing my best to slowly incorporate the clean eating philosophy into my daily lifestyle, have exercised each day, sat down at the actual dinner table and had a clean and healthy meal with my 7 year old daughter rather than an unhealthy one with her in front of the television, have not felt overstuffed and bloated as a result of eating crummy……….the list goes on and that's only a total of 3 days! WOW! Just think what I can accomplish in this 12 week long endeavor during the contest timeframe!!! Hopefully I can, at the very least, achieve healthy eating and exercising habits to last a lifetime and be a healthier, happier version of my former self from here on out. If I achieve that and that alone, then I come out a winner!

So, back to my goals…I have set both large, overall goals that sometimes seem just beyond my reach, but none the less two things I would like to strive for and small goals as well.

Overall goals:

1.) I would like to lose a grand total of 80 pounds from where I was when I weighed on 12/27/09.
2.) I discovered kettlebells this year and have a lot of fun challenging myself with them and would LOVE to become certified with kettlebells. Everyone has to have something grande to strive for, right?

Now for my small, short term goals:

1.) Eat clean for one solid week -- NO diet sodas, NO sweets
2.) Stick with clean eating, journal my food, perform Turbulence Training at home 3 times each week and begin boxing on 1/4/09 for a total of 12 weeks
3.) Lose 8 pounds by 1/24/09 -- That is 2 pounds per week which is a healthy and completely attainable goal, I believe.

So far I have kept this little blog of mine sort of quiet and to myself as I wasn't sure what I really wanted to accomplish with it…..well, I am going to use it to tell about my 12 week journey to begin with and we'll see from there. Wish me luck, I'll need all I can get!!!!

Happy New Year! I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for us all!

Nicole

"I've never met a person, I don't care what his condition, in whom I could not see possibilities. I don't care how much a man may consider himself a failure, I believe in him, for he can change the thing that is wrong in his life anytime he is prepared and ready to do it. Whenever he develops the desire, he can take away from his life the thing that is defeating it. The capacity for reformation and change lies within." ~ Preston Bradley

Trying something new for dinner...

My eating an nutrition is a constant struggle and I'm using this blog to try and keep myself somewhat accountable and also to share some of the things I'm learning, recipes I'm trying, etc.

I thought I would share the recipe from my dinner experiment. I have been doing well this week with my eating. Granted, it is only Wednesday, but.....small, consistent steps, right?!? I've included a picture of my dinner tonight and also the recipe. It turned out really tasty. Try it!

Crustless Mushroom & Spinach Frittata Recipe

Serves: 6

Ingredients:

2 cups sliced baby bella mushrooms

1 onion, diced medium

10 oz. spinach

1 cup shredded yellow squash and zucchini

8 oz. lean turkey (optional)

2 cups skim milk

8 egg whites

1/4 cup Romano cheese

1 tsp. garlic powder

1 tsp. Italian seasoning

1/2 tsp. fresh cracked black pepper

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350*F.

In a nonstick skillet, saute onion and mushrooms until almost tender. Add spinach and cook. Stir and place into cast iron skillet.

Combine remaining ingredients in medium mixing bowl and pour over vegetables in a cast iron skillet.

Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until firm in center. Allow to stand for 5 minutes before cutting and serving.

"Chad" the Christmas Elf...

I don't know if you have ever heard of the book The Elf on the Shelf or not, but it's a very sweet book that tells the story about how Santa delivers an elf around Thanksgiving to watch over your child. Each night the elf then leaves to deliver a report back to Santa during the night and returns to a new location in the house to surprise your child the following morning. He goes back to the North Pole with Santa on Christmas Eve to be re-delivered the following year.

Natalie's elf is named "Chad". Last year, Chad would watch over our household each day and during the night, report back to Santa and let him know the goings on in Natalie's day. When he would "return", he would not only be in a different location in the house but typically had wreaked some sort of havoc somewhere in the house. One night, he had gotten in the bird cage with our bird Tiki who was NOT impressed with his presence. Another, he took Natalie's bookbag from the wall and dumped all the contents in the middle of the hallway and danced on top of them and fell asleep where she was rather angry to find him the next morning! He nibbled at the edges of Christmas cookies we baked and passed out face down amongst the crumbs after eating too much, snuggled up next to her on her pillow, hid in the Christmas tree, hung from the ceiling fan, and slept on the mantle at times when he was too tired to cause mischief.

So, now that you get the idea…the neatest thing happened last night. Natalie and I were unpacking the boxes of Christmas decorations and ornaments, etc. to put on the tree together and she was asking me, as she does each year, the significance of each ornament and the who and where it came from. …her first ornament given to her by her Aunt Hilda, my first ornament, a clip on bird my dad made in school in 1960, the lighthouses that Keith and the boys have given me, my strange affection for Donald Duck and the Grinch ornaments and why I have so many, etc. when she came across one old, faded, and dingy ornament that I honestly do not recall noticing before. I have quite a few ornaments from when my dad was a little boy and apparently, this one was from 1964 which would have made my dad 10 years old. The ornament is a small elf that is holding his feet, just like Chad…wearing a little red suit, just like Chad…etc. …only this elf is smaller. Natalie was beside herself with excitement when she pulled it from the box. She said "Mommy, Grampy must have had an elf, too, and here is what he looked like!" She had to find a special spot on the tree to hang him and made sure he was nowhere that the dog could knock him off. She then proceeded to get Chad (her elf) and bring him to introduce him to Grampy's elf on the tree and tell this elf not to get any ideas of causing trouble because she couldn't handle the trouble of TWO ELVES and Chad creates enough of his own….as she was bossily wagging her finger at them both as only a little girl can do!

I'm including a picture of "Chad" the elf and also my dad's ornament that we found so you can see.

"Chad"...

My dad's elf...

Finding it made me really feel like my dad was watching over us last night. It was nice to feel him and have him be a part of the holiday in such a special way.

I know to most this would sound like a really wacky story and I do tend to be a bit of a whack-a-doo about holidays and making them fun and special, but it warms my heart to know that Natalie truly believes in the spirit of Christmas and all the fun that goes along with it. I hope we continue some of these traditions even when she no longer truly believes in Santa Claus and just have fun remembering the past together as she gets older. I think her stumbling across my dad's ornament from when he was little just reinforced the "belief" in her mind which I absolutely love. I don't know how many more years of Santa Claus we will have since she's 7 1/2 but I'll keep it going as long as she believes. Besides, my mom always told me that Santa will come as long as you truly believe in your heart…… She was right!

I wonder what Chad will get into tonight when he returns?!?

Feel free to share any "elf" stories or Christmas traditions you might have...I'd love to hear them.

Reminding myself to give thanks for what is most important...

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving and knowing that I've been feeling so much frustration with myself and the little things in life lately, I thought I would change my focus a bit and think about the things in my life that are so very good that I have to be grateful for. At times, I think it's so easy to get wrapped up in weight loss, body image, financial woes, chores, lack of time etc. that we lose sight of all the fabulous things we have in our lives, both big and small. Those things are far more important than what size jeans I have squoze (yes, I know it's not a word) myself into today! I am in hopes that by taking a moment to reflect, I can remove myself from that negative mindset and get back to me, the happy and content me, and recall what is truly important in my day to day life.

Here goes…

I am grateful for my daughter, Natalie. She keeps me smiling and laughing (when I don’t want to choke her) and I am so proud of the little girl she is becoming. She has a pretty wonderful heart and although she has my sassiness, she is good girl. I’m proud of her determination and sensitivity and I look forward to watching her continue to grow and go through life’s journey. I know the world is full of possibilties for her and I know wonderful things will come to her.

I’m thankful for Keith. I know it sounds cliché, but he is truly my soul mate and my heart. I found him at a time in my life where I had forgotten what it was like to love and be loved. I hate that we both traveled painful roads to meet one another but feel that those experiences have better equipped us to appreciate one another through the good and bad. He is my friend, my love, my cheerleader, and my voice of reason when I get a little out of control and he loves me despite my insanity. Pigtails loves you, Mr. Keith!!

In addition, I’m also thankful for Keith’s children, Ethan and Colin. These boys make me smile so much. The love I feel for them is special. They aren’t mine by birth but I have chosen to love them with all my heart because of who they are and the wonderful hearts they both have. Over the past 3 or so years, I have gotten to know them and have watched them grow into 2 boys that I am proud to know and whose lives I’m so fortunate to be a part of. I look forward to the men they will be and sharing in their lives.

I am thankful to have a family that through the years has supported me and helped me to become who I am today. I have been taught to have faith in God and respect myself. For that, I am thankful. I am grateful to have had a father that was my best friend for so many years and taught me how to love life and enjoy it, even it’s littlest of moments as that’s where memories are made. I miss him daily. I am also thankful for my mother. Through her struggles, especially in the past few years, I have watched her persevere. Though we push each other’s buttons at times, she is probably my biggest cheerleader in life. She has taught me what sacrificial love is all about. I hope that I am half the mother to Natalie that she has been to me, even when I was a horrible teenager and thought she didn’t understand me at all! I love you, Mom!

I am thankful for wonderful friends. God has always placed the right people in my life when I’ve needed them the most and I’m a better person for their support and advice. I never knew how wonderful it can be to be surrounded by great women as friends. I’m thankful for those that have been in my life for a long time and also for those I’m just beginning to know and who inspire me daily and probably don’t realize how much I need them in my life. I’m a lucky girl!

Lastly, I’m thankful for my health. This has been a trying year in that department. I didn’t think that I would overcome some of the difficulties and hurdles I have had to in this last year and only at the age of 34. I have since come to realize that by being diagnosed with a chronic illness, it doesn’t mean that becomes my life. It simply becomes one small facet of my life and one that I can learn to live with, not allow to rule my life. At the end of the summer, I was still having difficulty walking as a result and was so sick from March on this year, but was just beginning to get this thing under some small amount of control. Now, I’m rebuilding my strength and realizing my limitations and that I can still push myself to overcome some of them. Although I get frustrated with my body, I am so very appreciative of it as it allows me to live life daily. I have learned that it works with me better when I care for it as I should and feed it well, rest it, and allow it to have fun. Health is something I took for granted until there was an absence of it in my life. I didn’t realize how truly important it is. Now, I am trying to make it of utmost importance and learn to care for myself so that I can better care for those around me!!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year as it’s not about giving gifts and the like. It is about relaxing and taking time out to enjoy those around us and reflect on what we all have to be grateful for. No matter where you are in your life and on your journey, there is SOMETHING to give thanks to God for!

What are YOU thankful for?